Category: Personal

Encouragement in Grief

September 1, 2023

Two years ago, these early September days, I was sitting at Olivia’s hospice bed, watching her closed eyes wishing to know what was going through her mind. She knew it was the end. We knew she only had a few days left with us. Was she remembering her childhood, or some significant events of her life? Or was she already drawn to the other sphere trying to make the scary choice of letting go of her body so her soul could slip into a completely unknown existence?

I wish to remember her as she was before – my always full of life, unstoppable, radiant, spirit-filled Orsa. But the memories of her last six days in that hospice bed keep haunting me.

As I was sitting on the back porch under the weight of these memories, I remembered a vision the Lord gave me. It was about a month before Olivia passed, the day when the doctors told her that there was nothing they could do for her anymore.

It’s not easy to put it into words because it was a picture and a feeling that the Lord filled my heart with, but I’ll try.

I saw Olivia in Heaven in her absolute GLORIOUS form radiating life, joy, and holiness! Her being was indescribably beautiful!!! She was looking down at her earthly self as that Olivia was standing in their living room supported by the walker, weak, in pain, broken, sick from the poison of long chemo sessions, swollen up by steroids, burnt and bald from whole brain radiation, ravaged by this awful disease. And her heavenly self was radiating the utmost LOVE and GRATITUDE toward her earthly self. Like she was saying to Olivia down there in that pain-filled living room that “Hang on my dear! You WILL see, ALL the pain will go away. EVERYTHING will be more wonderful than you can imagine.”

It somehow made me understand that from a heavenly point of view all our sufferings here are … blessings that we will somehow (???) treasure once we are in heaven.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭18‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Discouragement from the World – Encouragement from God

August 2, 2023

This morning I allowed myself to sink into some self-pity under all the unexpected emotional, spiritual, and financial challenges this trip brought to us. But the Lord gave me this verse:

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭15‬:‭58‬ ‭NIV‬‬

🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙏

One of Those Moments Nobody Wants to Read About

June 7, 2022

Missionaries are often expected to write nothing but inspiring reports of successful projects and uplifting accounts of God’s blessings. But our reality is very different. The enemy focuses on those who make it their lives’ purpose to turn people toward God. Plus, God often calls those who are not the strongest, the best equipped, the most promising to succeed. Our obvious weakness makes His power shine through even stronger.

We have only a few days left before leaving for a long mission trip with a demanding schedule. Still, there are many things that need to be taken care of. In the morning I made my TO DO list for the day and was working on the tasks one after the other. When I needed to look up a connection on my FaceBook, the app put a Memory in front of my eyes. Reading my sweet baby’s post from a couple of years ago starting with the word “Mom” made me hear her sweet voice calling me that. “Mom”. … That was all I needed for my day to get derailed. How I wish to hear her one more time calling me Mom! Missing her hurts so much like a part of me was torn out. Since she passed, I live with an invisible, but huge, nonhealing wound. … Will it ever get better? Will this pain ever go away? … Sometimes even the promise of Heaven doesn’t make it easier in the here and now.

Please forgive me for sharing a moment that is less than glorious.

The Hardest Day of Our Lives

September 25, 2021

Soon after we got back from our trip our daughter told us that there was nothing more the doctors could do for her. Her condition deteriorated fast and two months after our return we lost her. We are grateful to all of you who prayed for the healing of our beloved Olivia (35). The Lord had a different plan for her and called her home. She lost her three years-long battle with cancer and passed into the Lord’s presence on September 5th. Our hearts are broken and we will miss her dearly but will rejoice in knowing that we will see her again one day in Heaven. Please, pray that the Lord fills her husband’s and our hearts with His peace. And that her strong faith and love for Jesus all along will bring her unbelieving loved ones to Christ.

Although our hearts are broken, our God is with us. By opening new doors for our ministry and giving us much more to do He encourages us not to sink into our grief but to know that He loves us and cares for us. He knows that the best way to heal our grief is if we become as busy as possible. He lifts us out of the depth of our sorrow. He gives us a firm place to stand – our reaffirmed calling and enlarged territory to build His Kingdom. He puts a new song in our mouth in place of our cry – a praise for His love and care for us. We hope and pray that through these new opportunities, many will see and fear the Lord and will put their trust in Him!

A Prayer Request

March 18, 2021

Most of you know that our sweet daughter, Olivia (35) has been battling cancer for almost three years now. Twice it looked like she was beating it, but her early improvements did not continue as we hoped. Lately, it is catching up with her and became quite debilitating. She and her husband, Rob love Jesus dearly. Please pray with us for her healing, a miracle, and a testimony to God’s incredible power and love for us. We trust and hope that His will is to heal her, so we can enjoy the sweet blessing she is to us for many more years to come.
Please, pray with us for her miraculous healing!

Remembering my Mom Tonight…

May 9, 2020

I wish I could tell her again that I love her.
How much she missed me in her last years! How lonely and sad she was after she lost my Dad. She became a bitter person, angry at the whole world. I called her 2-3 times a week but couldn’t REALLY be there for her. My heart split into two but I couldn’t split myself between my life in the US and taking care of her in Hungary.
So I called her as often as I could and we talked. We laughed for long minutes when she told me how she didn’t even try to get up from the floor after tripping and falling. She just stayed there “resting” knowing that she had about 2 hours before the neighbor came over for coffee. So she just laid there picking up and sorting her pills that rolled away when she dropped her pill case with the week’s medications. We cried together when she kept retelling the story of my Dad’s death in the ICU. How she whispered into his ears thanking him the life they had together and how a tear drop rolled out of my Dad’s closed eyes. I also cried with her when she told me her greatest fear, that nobody will be there to hold her hand in her last moments because I was so far.
I cried then and I’m crying now as I remember, even though I now know that Jesus was there to hold her hand. I know because I was also there trying to hold her hand, but she pushed my hands away. She was looking into the distance with joy and wonder in her eyes and kept reaching toward His hands that only she could see. Three weeks before she passed she finally said yes to Jesus! He took the scales off her eyes and from that moment she knew that everything was going to be all right. Despite the awful circumstances I found her in that awful hospital her anger and bitterness was gone. She had joy. The kind of joy that only Jesus can give. Joy that surpasses all understanding. … And so I know that one day I WILL be able to tell her again how much I love her.