I wish I could tell her again that I love her.
How much she missed me in her last years! How lonely and sad she was after she lost my Dad. She became a bitter person, angry at the whole world. I called her 2-3 times a week but couldn’t REALLY be there for her. My heart split into two but I couldn’t split myself between my life in the US and taking care of her in Hungary.
So I called her as often as I could and we talked. We laughed for long minutes when she told me how she didn’t even try to get up from the floor after tripping and falling. She just stayed there “resting” knowing that she had about 2 hours before the neighbor came over for coffee. So she just laid there picking up and sorting her pills that rolled away when she dropped her pill case with the week’s medications. We cried together when she kept retelling the story of my Dad’s death in the ICU. How she whispered into his ears thanking him the life they had together and how a tear drop rolled out of my Dad’s closed eyes. I also cried with her when she told me her greatest fear, that nobody will be there to hold her hand in her last moments because I was so far.
I cried then and I’m crying now as I remember, even though I now know that Jesus was there to hold her hand. I know because I was also there trying to hold her hand, but she pushed my hands away. She was looking into the distance with joy and wonder in her eyes and kept reaching toward His hands that only she could see. Three weeks before she passed she finally said yes to Jesus! He took the scales off her eyes and from that moment she knew that everything was going to be all right. Despite the awful circumstances I found her in that awful hospital her anger and bitterness was gone. She had joy. The kind of joy that only Jesus can give. Joy that surpasses all understanding. … And so I know that one day I WILL be able to tell her again how much I love her.